Monday, April 19, 2010

Rushing pumpkin pie to decorate the tree.

"First comes love,
then comes marriage,
then comes baby in a baby carriage."

Saturday was our six month-versary, and on that very day I got not one, but two emails that suggested the idea of the impending "baby carriage." The first one I noticed was an email from The Knot entitled, "Pregnant? New Parent? Trying to Conceive?" I opened it and it told me: "Believe it or not, it's already been six months since we helped you plan your dream wedding!" Then it went on to tell me about their other baby and family websites. Now, I don't mind them letting me know about their other sites, but as they reminded me: We have only been married SIX months! Isn't it a little early for baby hints from anyone besides one's own mother?* Then I realized that I had also received a baby-centric email from Crate and Barrel advertising their child-focused company.

Exactly six months into a marriage seems a little quick to begin the bombardment of newlyweds with pressure to start a family. After all the excitement of the major mile marker of a wedding and the beginning of a marriage, does normal life just seem so boring that people decide to jump ahead to the talk of babies? Is it about needing something concrete to look forward to? Or maybe it's about wanting to celebrate something?

To me, it seems a bit like putting up Christmas decorations right after Halloween, and losing Thanksgiving  in the shuffle. Personally, I prefer to enjoy Thanksgiving for what it is before putting up Christmas decorations. I wait to put up our Christmas tree until after Thanksgiving, usually in early December. I love Advent, which is a whole liturgical season emphasizing the idea of preparing for (and waiting for) the celebration of the birth of Jesus at Christmas. In the liturgical calendar, Christmas Eve marks the beginning of the season of Christmas (Christmastide) which then lasts to January 5th. (You know, the idea behind "The Twelve Days of Christmas.") But, of course, by January, the stores have been flooded by a sea of hearts and chocolate.

I guess that's just how it is because our society, as a whole, seems to like to rush things. To speed through the present moment in favor of embracing the excitement of The Next Event.** And I admit I often find myself thinking to the future and missing some of the joy to be found in the present, but I am working to change that and be more intentionally awake in the Now. And for me, Now is being a newlywed. It's about learning more about each other and dreaming and thinking about how we want to live life together. A current (very recent) exploration we are having is related to the idea of buying a house. Or maybe not. Or maybe in a few years. But babies...? I think we are still enjoying the pumpkin pie for now. Though we do talk about potential future Christmas decorations.*** We are just not ready to buy the gingerbread house making kit yet. And I think businesses should not try to rush to sell them to us on our six-month-versaries.

*I don't mind the occasional hint from my mom. And I don't mind talking about this subject with friends of family. I do mind businesses trying to put their timing on me. 

**I do think that people are starting to make choices to live differently and not buy into the rush-rush model of how to live. Like the Slow Movement and the Slow Food movement.

***And I have also been thinking about the Slow Parenting idea and potential implications on our hypothetical future child's childhood and high school years, and the ramifications in the college admissions process and beyond.


  1. Do you have a post or can you tell me more about how you pulled off your diy wedding day? I am having a hard time finding inspiration/ practical advice.

  2. Below are some posts I wrote that seem most relevant to the DIY experience. Let me know if you have questions. :) A DIY wedding is a lot of work, but it is cool to be able to do things creatively...

  3. Wow, emails about babies on your six-month-versary? Not cool! What if you didn't even WANT kids? I don't like when businesses (or society) tell me what I'm "supposed" to do either!

    (How's the house hunting going?)

  4. @Kim: Ah, house hunting. Well, right now we are having trouble finding either an apt or a house that would work for us. Hopefully something will turn up soon. How is the writing going?

  5. Everyone always wants to rush. We're planning to wait a while before babies too. Plus I really want a house first. Hand me a slice of pie.

  6. Jenny, writing my thesis is killing me - this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do! But it's the biggest project I've ever undertaken, so I guess it makes sense. The end is in sight...

  7. P.S. I must read more on Slow Parenting! Have you ever read the book In Praise of Slow? I loved it and recommend it to everyone.

  8. Thank you. I hate so much that literally the first thing people say when they find out I am married is. So... when's the baby?

  9. @Jesselyn Girl: Wow, that is bold of people! We haven't encountered that yet with acquaintances, but we live in Qu├ębec, so maybe it's more relaxed about baby timing?

    @Kim L.: Thanks for the book tip. I am now interested in reading it! :)

  10. Six months? We're coming up on three years this year and I still think that's too soon!

  11. @Mike- Yeah, I the idea of waiting a bit too to settle into our relationship and marriage before having kids. But our waiting time might end up shorter than yours since we are older. :) And boy, I have seen some cute babies and kiddos in recent weeks. :)