Booboo.

I had to put Booboo to sleep on Wednesday night. I took him to the vet on Wednesday morning because I thought he was constipated. In the car on the way there, I told him, "We'll get you fixed up; it's going be okay." But it turned out that there was water in his abdominal cavity and that he was severely sick. It wasn't constipation at all. The vet said it's a condition that happens very fast and gets bad quickly, and there was no way I could have known. We did X-rays to try to figure out more, and I rush ordered an expert opinion and went home with Booboo for the three-hour wait. We gave Booboo all his favorite things and lots of petting and ice cubes and his favorite toy. The vet had said she didn't want to give up hope, but it sure felt like our time together was unexpectedly coming to an end. Rapidly.

Here and there.

• I bought vacuum cleaner. A Miele. I love it. It's black and silver, though I chose it for other reasons. However, it coordinates very well with my home's color scheme.
• I vacuumed the whole apartment the day I brought it home. There are no longer little rocks on the floor in the 3-foot (half) radius around front door. And Booboo was pretty comfortable around it, which is a huge change from how he was with the previous vaccuum.
• At the store, the registration process for the 10-year free warranty (!!!) asked for the reason for buying a vacuum. There was not an option for "My ex left me for another woman and took the vacuum cleaner with him." So the guy at the store said I should just choose "Replacing a broken vacuum."
• My new Miele rolls behind me so easily, like a happy little puppy following me around. It was on sale, plus I even got an extra $40 off because I took one that had an almost invisible scratch on the bottom. Honestly, I probably did more damage to it on its maiden voyage around the apartment the other day.
• You know the risk I talked about in the last two paragraphs of this post?

I bought a couch. It is not beige.

I bought my very first couch.* And I really like it. It's from Ikea, and almost the same as what my ex and I had (but that one was his from before, so he took it with him). Instead of a 2-seater sleeper sofa, I got the 3-seater regular couch. ('Cause that fold-out bed was not very comfortable anyways!) The 3-seater couch is long enough for me to sleep on, so I can sleep on it when I have guests who visit. And the color? White! And red! 'Cause, you know, the covers are removable...and WASHABLE!

Which is a good thing, because the white cover (I am in a white phase with decor) is not coping so well with my wardrobe chock-full of black clothing and Booboo's hair. I will need to buy stock in whatever company makes lint-rollers if I use the white all the time.

Anyhow. I am so thankful to have a couch again. Next up: painting a couple rooms (white, of course) and buying a vacuum cleaner. I am currently thinking it makes more sense for the environment to invest in a better one that will last for YEARS. I am pondering Miele (possibly a refurbished one???) because I had one years ago in a furnished apartment I lived in in Europe and never had any problems with it, and the reviews are really good for that brand. Do any of you have any experience with vacuums you love?

*I have owned one other super comfy couch that was given to me, and I loved it. But when I moved here, we decided my ex's couch was better than mine, so we gave mine to his friend (who was actually one of his ex'es). She loves the couch though, so at least it went to a someone who appreciates it.

Winter stuck like molasses.

Things improved after my last post, and just when I relaxed into a new, pretty positive state, those same disappointments have boomeranged around again.

Winter. I don't see any magic in it right now. Winter is looking out my kitchen window onto my part of the snow-covered balcony and seeing lots of piles of poop from the neighbor's dog, along with some yellow snow for good measure.

At least it is sunny today. And I made some cinnamon rolls. (And I am happy to know that I can make brown sugar by adding molasses to regular white sugar. I often can't use up brown sugar before it goes as hard as a rock, so my new plan is to do this from now on, every time I need brown sugar. Did everyone except me know this?)

I know I can recover from these disappointments; I've already survived the worst. (And Booboo is here for a while visiting, and he's being particularly sweet right now so that really helps.)

Darkness and light and the belly of the whale.

I've been thinking a lot about darkness and light, death and rebirth, and the journey into the belly of the whale.

In writing about the monomyth, Joseph Campbell described three overarching stages of the journey: departure, initiation and return. The last step of the departure stage is the journey into the belly of the whale, where the hero seems to be swallowed up by death.

The boots are on.

Crisis: Dead-End or Transformation

This was in my neighbors' mail outside their door. I took it as extra motivation to fight my way through to the other side of this experience. I recently watched Under the Tuscan Sun, and it's just like when Patti says to Frances (whose husband left her for another woman):  

"You know when you come across one of those empty shell people, and you think 'What the hell happened to you?' Well there came a time in each one of those lives where they are standing at a crossroads... someplace where they had to decide whether to turn left or right. This is no time to be a chicken-shit, Frances."

Today my ex moved his stuff out.

Choosing thanks.

As I sit at home with Booboo in my lap, I look at the snow outside and think of life and it's unexpected turns. Sometimes life's surprises are exhilarating, sometimes they're excruciating, and sometimes they're just...different.

It's American Thanksgiving, but since that's not a holiday here, it feels like a normal day. Thursday. Except it's not just Thursday, so I am choosing to focus on what I am thankful for today. I have a purring Booboo in my lap, I have a home to live in that is within walking distance of most of what I need, I have a job I enjoy (and freelance opportunities I love), and family and friends that love me and support me. I am lucky...blessed...and thankful. I'm also thankful for hope that everything will be alright in the end and that life has good things in store for me in the future, despite the hell of these past months. It may not always feel that way, but I will choose to believe it anyways. Life does have a way of surprising us, after all.

Comfy shoes.

Credit: Adventures Along the Way

Booboo is the best. I just love him. Who could resist that little face? He's been so affectionate with me these last months...more than normal. I guess he's taking care of me.

Booboo's favorite activity.

Booboo is always excited when I come home. He warmly welcomes me by immediately running to the bathroom.

Credit: Adventures Along the Way

Credit: Adventures Along the Way

Credit: Adventures Along the Way

It's nice to have someone to come home to...even if his eager welcome is mostly because he wants some fresh water.

Broken.

It's been 4 weeks and two days since my world fell apart.

But I am still here.

Surrounded by the devastation of broken dreams, I know I have no choice but to try to figure out how to get the hell back up.

They say the grief process is not linear, and now I can say I agree with that. There are just so many triggers. I never know when I'll encounter one, but I am trying to just let myself experience the pain as the waves hit.

And hit they do. While at work, walking down the street, climbing the steep stairway to my apartment, or hanging out at a BBQ. I am getting used to crying in all sorts of places. Thankfully I am surrounded by a supportive community.

They say the only way out is through. So I am trying to make my way through.

I find solace in the river and water. Usually I walk to the water on my lunch break because it helps somehow. I am thankful for working near the water, loving friends and family, Booboo, daisies, waterproof mascara, sunglasses and my favorite dresses.

The worst month of my life (thus far, and I surely hope, ever) is over. Here's to a less bad August.

Boxed In and Other States of Being



Credit: Adventures Along the Way

Ah, Booboo. This is Booboo's favorite spot. He has several preferred spots, but he spends more time here than in the other ones. It cracks me up when he squeezes all the way in like this.

In other news, spring seems to be here. By that I mean that the snow has stopped (well, our last snow was a week or so ago) and they have just today cleaned all the rocks and dirt out of the streets in our neighborhood. Now there are only a few patches where the snow/ice has yet to melt. It is lighter coat weather (which, by the way, is what I used to consider a "winter coat" until I moved out of the south). Cafés are starting to prepare their outdoor seating areas.

I find myself thinking about planting some herbs and flowers on the back porch, but it is still too soon to actually get started. I am interested in sewing some hanging bags to attempt to get them off the ground so that they will stay cat-poop-free. I am inspired by these (scroll down to see the "smart wall pouch"), but have a different design in mind.

I made the best lasagana I have ever made on Saturday, using a former college roommate's recipe. And on Sunday I made the worst muffins I have ever made. I was trying to salvage some not-very-good cream cheese icing by mixing it into the batter, and the muffins were a disaster too.

As for pursuing dreams, my continued efforts to pursue my artistic career have had some return. I've had a couple of opportunities so far and have two more lined up. Life is feeling less splintery. I am ready to welcome spring.

Booboo and More Shoes.

Photo credit: Adventures Along the Way

 When I came home and slipped off my sandals, Booboo made his move. He must prefer them "fresh."

Ice Ice Baby.

Photo credit: Adventures Along the Way

I have a confession: our cat is an ice cube addict.

It started last year on one particularly toasty summer afternoon in our 100 year-old, unairconditioned apartment. Booboo had been lying around in that stretched out, tummy-up, lethargic position of a cat enduring a heat wave. So I thought I would add an ice cube to his water bowl so that the cool water might provide a little relief from the sweltering temperatures.

Booboo was hooked from the very first cube. Later, when we went in the kitchen, he followed us and meowed by the fridge. We indulged him every now and then because it was funny and cute—and it was hot, after all. The addiction let up a bit after it got cool and winter kicked in, but recently he has begun frequently meowing by the fridge again. And when we give him an ice cube, he rubs his cheeks against the cube, first one side then the other. Again and again. And yet again.

Today, after several (assumed) requests for an ice cube, I got him one, and he rubbed his cheeks against it repeatedly while purring loudly in sheer enjoyment of this small frozen-yet-melting miracle. After a couple minutes of happy cube–cheek rubbing, I made a move to rinse it off so I could drop it in his water bowl, and he complained with a loud meow. So I grabbed a towel to give my cold fingers a break and gave him some more time with his happiness-in-a-cube before dropping it in his bowl. After he realized the cube was in his water bowl, he had some water. Which is a relief because I have recently noticed him standing around by his water bowl, staring at it and not drinking, only to meow at me when I walk in the kitchen. Perhaps he has decided that he only likes iced water now.

I guess we could have worse problems than a cat who has become a water snob. Besides, having that much fun with every ice cube that life has to offer sounds like a pretty good idea.

Booboo photos. (Because it's been a while.)

Photo credit: Adventures Along the Wayy

Photo credit: Adventures Along the Way

Just thought I would share some Booboo photos. Happy Friday!

(Edit: Somehow I accidentally unpublished this post long after the fact and am just guessing the date it was originally published to republish it.)

Autumn.

Fall is in full swing here and is, in fact, probably about over. It's hard to deny the seasonal foreshadowing of the recent cold air and the heavy, grey sky. But since American Thanksgiving is still a few weeks away and we haven't had snow yet, I'm trying to stick with an autumnal state of mind a while longer.

Crisp, invigorating air and crunchy, colorful leaves.
Walking in boots, layering lightweight scarves and coats—
more fun than functional, unlike the practical gear of deepest winter.
Pumpkin snicker doodles, sweet potato casserole, and butternut squash.

Booboo's Current Favorite Spot

Hello.

Thia is what Booboo has been up to recently.

If you are still checking this every now and then, you know that I haven't been writing much these last months. I was going to say that I don't really know why, but really it's just that I just haven't felt like it. So I haven't.

I wasn't feeling inspired because it seemed like my life was in a holding pattern of uncertainty, which it was, really, because I spent seven months waiting. Waiting for a decision to be made by somebody whom I have never met that would determine my (and S's) future. For such a stagnant action, it is surprising how emotionally draining waiting can be. And I didn't want to talk about any of it publicly until it was all over.

But now I can say it: After seven months of waiting, I am now a permanent resident of Canada. And it feels absolutely freeing to know with certainty that I am allowed to live here in Canada with my husband forever.

PS. And I plan to post more regularly about all that has been happening recently.

PPS. Isn't Booboo the cutest (and most flexible!) cat ever? But, of course, I am quite biased...

Booboo meets Tulle.

Booboo was quickly enamored.

Pro-couch.

After being couch-less from late June through mid-November, we are extremely thankful to have a couch again. When we moved this summer and joined our stuff in one apartment, we gave away my large amazingly comfortable couch, knowing that S had a smaller couch that was in better shape with a fold-out bed. It is also the kind of couch that is nice to sit on with company and chat. My couch was a crawl-up-into-it-and-eat-thai-take-out-and-watch-movies kind of couch, which wasn't really the best for guests. We still miss that couch, but we thankfully have visitation rights for it, since we gave it to a friend in town. But scooting two chairs beside each other to watch movies gets old. Determined to get the couch inside our apartment before the snow came, we finally made the arrangement to pick up S's couch from his dad's and move it to our place. And boy does it feels good to have a couch again!

With the experience of these few past months and about four years in Chicago without a couch, I consider myself well-acquainted with the couch-less life, so I will just go ahead and say it. Having a couch really does make life more enjoyable. And I think Booboo agrees.

Cats 1- Humans 0

After several more days of flip-flopping between wanting to enlarge the hole in the litter box to go to the next step in toilet training with Booboo, and wanting to quit and bring back the old standard litter box, Booboo went "number two" on the bathroom rug again. The bathroom rug that I had JUST washed and put on the floor. That event was the deciding factor: S went immediately and got the normal litter box out of our storage unit and made the switch while Booboo and I sat in the bathroom and watched the process.

Shortly after that, S caught Booboo looking back and forth between the litter box and the toilet seat. Booboo started to hop onto the toilet seat, but then paused and decided he would rather use his former litter box. And he hasn't turned back.

I guess in some ways it feels like a bit of a failure to give up on potty training and it's somehow a little sad to know Booboo could probably do it, but we think Booboo is happier using his normal litter box. And in the 24 hours since we switched back, I am actually happier too because I am not constantly having to clean the toilet and vacuum the floor and wash rugs and have potty dances. And ultimately, a happy Booboo makes us happy.

And maybe Booboo might go back to being my bathroom buddy? I missed that while we were potty training.